Comparison and Out-dated Identities: Escaping the 'I Should Be' Trap

Question of the week: What outdated version of yourself are you holding onto?

I have a confession: For the last MONTH nothing’s been panning out and that 9-5 was looking more like a vacation than a cubicle hell.

In the words of Will Schroter:

“Building a business is a shitty profession to feel ‘ahead’ in.”

There I said it.

Probably not the morning motivation you were looking for - but that’s not why we meet here in your mailbox.

You ever have days (or weeks) where you fall into the comparison trap?

It becomes hard not to take everyones success as a reflection of your failures and if you’re lucky somedays it even inspires you - but it depends on how you feel about the progress in your own business first.

While other people have a comfy 9-5 or (God save us) OnlyFans millionaires you’re sitting behind your laptop with a stiff cup of coffee in hand trying to zen out before thinking about where your paycheck will come from and hoping that prospect says ‘yes’.

So you’re not where you think you ’should’ be. Neither am I.

But is it because you can’t or because you don’t have the right tools or knowledge yet?

But here's the dirty secret: you're never truly comparing yourself to someone else.

And If you say ‘it’s you versus who you were yesterday’ I’ll scream bullshit harder than a pre-teen at a boyband concert.

When yesterday was a shitshow and today's looking like its sequel, even a Tony Robbins pep talk won't work.

My proposal is this: You’re comparing yourself to an outdated version of yourself from where you think you ’should’ be.

We've all been there. We plot our entrepreneurial journey and imagine our future. We spend money on mentors, courses, and buy or listen to every podcast or book we can get our hands on. But lo and behold, when we get down to business, things don’t work out as plan.

Reminder: You’re not following a traditional path here.

You see one founder, leader, or entrepreneur and think — ‘I should be there’.

What do you guys really have in common besides trying to build something?

I’ll wait.

Your 9-5 friend isn’t building a business where they only have themselves to depend on or have to get clients in order to live.

That other solopreneur is in a different industry, niche, has different problems and mental obstacles.

So, if we're not comparing apples to apples, what are we really doing here? Unless they are YOU - there’s no real comparison. We're just making ourselves feel like shit.

Building something tangible from an idea in your head isn’t for the faint-hearted. It’s like being blindfolded on an obstacle course, searching for answers.

The blindfold only starts to fall off when you learn and try and fail — and fail again before getting to the first answer before being met with another obstacle.

It’s the unglamorous side of things but then one day you’ll realize you’re learning and getting better even when it doesn’t feel like it.

More importantly, you’re never at square one because you know more.

Anyway, in case you’re struggling, heres my 5 steps to letting go of that outdated ‘should’ mentality:

1. Recognize what's in your control. You can control your actions, behaviors, and words. Oh, and your coffee - make it stronger, you'll thank me later.

2. Accept what isn't. The rest is like that weird relative you can't stand - just accept their existence. That includes crappy weather, unwelcome emails, and bad hair days.

3. Identify limiting thoughts. This is where you need self-awareness which turns out isn’t a natural gift. Don't know how to get started? Ask people around you. Ever watch a movie and see the main character repeatedly make the same mistakes. They’re that for you and can provide insights that you've missed while spiraling in self-doubt. I call this 'thought hacking'.

4. Have a funeral for who you 'should' be. Embrace grief as a natural process of letting go of old versions of yourself. 

5. Leverage the present to reinvent yourself. Who you are right now matters. Understand your current needs and goals - they’re your roadmap.

Sounds straightforward, right? But it's easier said than done. And since we're keeping things real here, let me be clear: This takes work, and a fair bit of it.

Each step is more than just a tagline. It's about bringing your present self to the forefront, hacking through the thicket of self-doubt, and letting go of the weighty 'should haves' that hold you back.

So next time you're staring down that beast of comparison, remember: it's just you feeling like crap. So kick those feelings to the curb and keep moving.

Take home message: You have hopes and dreams about where you should be in life and when the reality doesn't match it gets hard not to see yourself as a failure and feel the pressure of doubt and insecurities.

That’s all I have for this week!

P.S. If you ever feel like throwing in the towel and joining the OnlyFans millionaires let me know how it goes. I’ll be behind my laptop grinding it out.