Guilt and Motivation

2 minute read time

Today’s issue: Guilt. The weird kind of guilt you feel when awesome people support you and you have nothing to show for it (yet). Spoiler: Maybe it’s a motivator?

This whole guilt thing came up after a brutal week followed by a conversation with my friend Julia.

We were chatting about my business woe, the never-ending cycle of ‘almost getting it’ followed by the crushing defeat of ’nope, not yet.’

Then she asked, “Do you feel like you need to ‘return the favor’?

And it hit home.

Here’s the thing, I suck at business. I’m stuck in the ‘almost’ wins category, but I’m surrounded by incredible people building cool things. In their infinite kindness, offer support.

I’m grateful but feel guilty.

Here’s why: These people are busy out there building their business, raising a family, and take time to help me. Including you, for listening.

How can I justify the time you invest in me when I have nothing to show for it?

Maybe you’re in a similar boat? Maybe you have a support system that seems too good to be true. People who are ahead of you in business, offering help, even though you haven’t figured much out. It feels amazing, right?

But you have a guilt gremlin saying, ‘You’re letting them down! They are pouring into a bottomless pit!” (truthfully, someone needs to kill ‘em but I’m wannabe pacifist)

But here’s where it gets weird. Nobody is standing there asking, ‘why aren’t you succeeding yet?’ or even disappointed. In fact, they keep cheering. This is a new experience for me. Good people wanting me to win with no strings attached? It’s scary.

Here’s the mental shift exercises that help me crawl out of my guily hole:

Nobody owes you anything. Their time, energy, resources, nada. And friendships? Healthy ones aren’t one-sided.

For example, I have this friend, let’s call him Day One because that’s how long we’ve known each other on X. He’s built apps faster in the last few months than he has in years. I’m just trying to figure out a simple problem. This dude — emotionally, mentally, the whole package has been there for me. Even offered to connect me with people he knew.

Here I am, Ms, No-Wins. So I swallowed my ego and asked him, “Why do you keep betting on a losing horse?”

(Okay I used more positive language I think).

His answer: “Because we are in this together. I want to see you win."

I cried writing that y’all. These are the type of relationships I’m talking about.

And guess what? Everyone in my community is lightyears ahead of me in pretty much everything. If you have that too, it’s even better. It means even if you aren’t winning in business (or wherever), they see strength where you don’t. Maybe it’s the ability to support them in other ways. That thought keeps me sane-ish.

So, is this a solution? Not exactly. More like a reminder. Guilt can be a weird motivator, as Brené Brown would say: a feeling of discomfort when we haven't lived up to our values. Maybe this bizarre guilt is the kick in the pants we need to take action.

We'll see. Wish us both luck, or a new business plan, or something.